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| :) my last fall semester started last week. there is so much going on and its definitely exciting, but at the same time, bittersweet because I don't want to graduate yet...the real world seems daunting. haha
i'm going to cook dinner tonight for the boy and me :) i finally have time to do that...haha i suppose its good that i don't have VSA anymore to take up 50% of my life. it really feels good not to have a meeting to go to, a phone call to make, a workshop to be at or an event to run :D
it's such a freeing feeling to have so much time to do whatever i please heehee
let's hope this semester goes smoooooothly :D
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| i'm so stressed out. i want my mcats to go away. i hate that i have the mentality that this test will determine the rest of my life....and people try to tell me that it won't but for some reason it's like a dark looming shadow over my shoulder. it's there and i can't ignore it and let it go. it's like i'm walking to my death, almost. no matter how i look at it, tomorrow i will be completely dead, whether it be by my own doing or because of exhaustion from the 6hr long exam. who invented such a torturous device anyway? it's like doctors out there refuse to let in others into their exclusive club. i feel like i am completely stupid going into this exam. dun dun duhhhhh is my theme song right now in my mind.
all i can ask is for God to sit next to me or stand behind me and give me a big back rub while going thru this milestone in my life...
wish me luck
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| As most of you know, my grandmother passed away last April (2008). I had a very close relationship with her and love her dearly. She was a strong figure in my life and always loved and protected and looked out for me. I have had a hard time dealing with her passing. Every once in awhile, I relapse and get upset over the flood of memories I get.
For some reason today, I felt a big urge to clean my closet. I went through my shelves, looking through my old journals, drawings, classwork from as far back as elementary school. I also found a stack of cards from my family for my 18th birthday. I always keep birthday cards and have some dating all the way back to when I was 2. It was nice to re-read the cards and they made me smile. I then came across a pretty pink card covered in glitter. My grandmother had given this card to me. This was the last birthday card that I received from her before she fell ill. Inside was a red envelope. I generally keep those because I find their designs to be beautiful...and usually they are empty. This time, the envelope wasn't empty at all and I found a 100$ bill, still crisp and new.
The reason why this finding touched my heart so deeply is that I have been having some financial difficulty lately. I couldn't help but come to tears being reminded of my grandmother and how much she will always love me and look out for me. I am not sure why I didn't take the money out 3 years ago, but God must have meant for me to find it now. Even though my grandmother is no longer physically here with me, it was a big reminder that she is always there and especially in my heart.
I love you Ba Ngoai<3
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| I hate change. Although change is generally a good thing...I don't handle it very well. It's more or less due to me feeling insecure when I don't have some bit of control in my life....and you would think that by me knowing this I would fix it so that I would have some control...but I don't work like that unfortunately.
I want things to always be going well. I want people to treat me how I treat them. When I get below par treatment in return it is so disappointing. Maybe I am expecting too much from others but I know that in terms of friendship, I will be there no matter what. It never occurred to me that there is an alternative view to what a friend is. For me, friendship is being loyal, loving, caring, thoughtful towards one another. He or she is the family that you get to choose. You treat your family the best, so why not treat your surrogate family with just as much devotion? As far fetched and idealistic of an idea this is, if everyone treated one another as if they cared, then maybe there wouldn't be so many problems out there.
I know that I'm not perfect...heck there are so many people that just annoy you, right? But sometimes I feel obligated to them, despite the fact that it feels like they are pestering me. I tend to put myself in their situation and wonder if I have ever plagued someone else with the tribulations of my life, like how this or that person is talking to me. I complain but at the same time...I realize that maybe this person, all he or she needed was someone to talk to, to vent, to let it out and feel like someone in this world gives a hoot about how he or she feels. So, I wonder...if everyone took it upon themselves to help one another as if it were his or her duty, would that make the world a better place? Would the meaning of loyalty, humanity and friendship have something stronger to uphold?
It is really sad that it is so hard to find "true blues" for friends. So many people backstab one another, betray, lose trust, judge......no one has the right to judge anyone else. Nobody is perfect so there should be no need for snotfaced behavior from anyone...
If schools taught compassion to children at a young age, would that lead to people helping one another more? More charity work in the future?
Most people think I can be wishywashy, naiive...and I agree. But that's mostly because I feel that every person has good in him or her. No one is born evil...something must have happened to make that person angry, upset, bitter, vengeful....so why not try to stop it from happening in the first place by treating one another really well and making sure you leave the people around you smiling? Everyone's actions affect more than just the person or people that it involves.
random...
i caved in..and got a twitter. i conformed. :( sho shad....T_T
look me up? :D
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| April fool's day has come and gone. I noticed something completely bizarre..ok maybe not completely, but it still is cringe-worthy...how people like to "end" their relationships as a joke to throw off people. Is there really no value to your relationship? In my opinion, stuff like that you wouldn't joke around about just because there is a bit more emotional involvement and respect for one another as boyfriend and girlfriend. It really does bother me but then again...I think it's just ONE couple that bothered me for my own personal issues against the girl. I probably could care less about other people.
Then again, I have reason to be peeved by this one girl. She has disappointed me in so many ways lately and her relationship is definitely making her happy but it is ruining a lot of other things that she is involved in. Her reliability, although there wasn't a lot to begin with, is almost nonexistent. It really is annoying that all this time was wasted because of her.
I'm not particularly mad at her...its just sorta a "ugh youre annoying me shut up" sorta thing.
I think my english professor is one of the most amazing persons that you could come across. He is head of the english department, has multiple classes of 200-300 students, is highly involved in the school....AND he has 15 kids. FIFTEEN. He and his wife take in children and become foster parents. The kids that they take care of are often kids that don't have a chance because they are older or have some sort of impediment.
I found this all out last week when I went to talk to a past english teacher for a recommendation to med school. I am completely in awe of this man and totally support and applaud him. He definitely has found his calling and is doing so much good to the world. I really wish that I can make an impact on people like he has. He really is extraordinary and I hope good karma comes back to him frequently. We definitely need more people like him around.
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